Is Cheating Inevitable?


 



 
    When most people think about what it means to cheat in a relationship, they automatically think about having sex with another person outside their relationship; but cheating is so much more than just sex. Have you ever made a strong connection with another person while you were in a relationship to the point that you thought about that person frequently and started to develop feelings for that person? What if it got to the point where you started to lose interest in the person with whom you were in a relationship? Have you ever texted or talked on the phone with someone you were attracted to, someone unknown to your man or woman? A lot of people say they have control over how far they will allow a situation to go, but eventually after spending so much time with another person to whom you are attracted and with whom you have a connection, emotions tend to get involved. I think developing a strong emotional relationship with another person is just as much cheating as having a sexual relationship with that person. Emotions WILL stir the pot and when it gets to that point, you’re playing with fire.
 
     

Just recently Miami Heat basketball player, Dwayne Wade, proposed to his long term girlfriend, actress Gabrielle Union. Before people could really react to the news of their engagement, more news came out about D. Wade fathering a baby with another woman. Now keep in mind, D. Wade and Gabby have been together for more than four years, and this new baby is not even a year old yet; you can do the math. The couple was allegedly taking a break from the relationship when the baby was conceived, BUT dang, D. Wade, you’ve been in a relationship with this woman for more than four years. You weren’t committed to her enough that you couldn’t resist the urge to sleep with another woman even if ya’ll were on a break?  To add insult to injury, he didn’t use a condom!  Now Gabby hasn’t addressed the baby situation, as far as I know, but she did accept his marriage proposal.  Apparently, Wade’s stepping out wasn’t enough for her to leave him. In a recent interview with Glamour magazine, she said the break was due to her busy work schedule, almost taking the blame for Wade’s slip up. I’m not here to judge because that’s their life and their business, and the two of them are the only people who really know what is going on in their relationship.
 
VIDEO: "God didn't intend for us to be with just one person" 




My point is not to really focus on D. Wade and Gabby but more so to point out how women seem to be more accepting of their men cheating. I know women cheat too, but men are less tolerant of it. It’s a double standard when it comes to cheating. Men can cheat multiple times, but if they find out their woman has stepped out, it’s harder for them to handle it.  I’ve heard so many men say that having sex with another woman is no more than that, just sex…. nothing more, nothing less. I hear all the time that men go through a phase of having sex with multiple women until they get it out of their systems. I’ve had some men to just flat out tell me that all men cheat; it’s in their nature! Really men?!! In relationships it comes down to what people will allow. Many females say they know their men are cheating and they don’t mind sticking with their men throughout that phase of “getting it out of his system” until they are ready to commit to just them. Some women say that they’re ok with their men cheating as long as their men respect them enough not to let them find out about it. Some women are just so in love with their men that they accept the cheating even though it hurts them. I can go on and on with all of the theories, reasons, justifications and excuses I’ve heard about cheating. I don’t know if it’s just my female nature, but I don’t see why being faithful for some is so difficult. I feel if you find someone you love and are happy with, not cheating should be simple. Ask yourself the question “Is cheating worth risking the relationship that you’ve established with this person whom you love and care about?”    
  I know people aren’t perfect; some people put themselves in situations where they open the door for cheating, and some are driven to cheat for whatever reason. Now when it comes down to being married and cheating, I think cheating takes on a new meaning. Some people admit they aren’t ready for marriage because they know they can’t commit to being faithful to one person. I’m not married yet, but I’m hopeful that the man  I do decide to marry will love me enough that he can resist the temptation of cheating even when we’re going through difficult situations. I’m hopeful that we can work through our problems without stepping out on each other; that’s what it means to make a lifetime commitment to loving and dedicating yourself to one person.  
 
 
What are your thoughts?

 

Comments

  1. Nice post but technical it isn't cheating unless you are married abd to some degree engaged. With everything else there is no legal ir religious union so its not cheating.

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    1. I see what you're saying but if that's the case why not just stay single? Why even bother putting a title on a relationship, that way the other person has the freedom to explore other options without being concerned with cheating.

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    2. To answer your question which i can only speak for myself. As weird as this might sound from a man i long for companionship just as everyone else does but for me when i was slepting with others it was because of greed and ego. it wasnt until my girlfriend at the time was slepting with someone did i realized how fucked up i was. I was selfish greedy and blinded by my male ego. I am very very selective with the type of women i am attracted to but at this point in my life i cant see myself getting engaged or married because i cant see anyone committing to me and vice versa.

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    3. http://www.goodmorals.org/pratney.htm

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  2. Good blog. This is from a male prospective cheating is inevitable if you are not meeting your spouse's expectations or exceeding them. That is the case with most relationships most men including myself have a certain expectations sexually and if we are not getting it from our other we will get it from someone. That is the way it look with the dwade situation gabrielle said she was too busy to meet his needs so he got some that fulfilled his needs. Its like having two cars and you like both cars cars both cars have bluetooth and a gps in them. One car the bluetooth and the gps use to work but now it don't I like use bluetooth in my car so I am gonna go with what I want and need. Nothing is worst than a chick that cant or isn't willing to satisfy or exceed your physical wants and needs.

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    1. So basically you're saying, men cheat mainly when their physical needs aren't met? Why stay with a person if they're not meeting your needs. Just break it off and keep it moving. Or if you care about that person enough express to them how you feel and at least see if they're willing to meet those needs. What if the person was meeting all of your other needs except for the physical need, Is sex that important?

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    2. Sex is only secondary to finances in a real relationship. I think with gabby and dwade like most real relationships when I say real I mean long term when the spose cheats its because he ain't getting like he use to or he ain't getting it at all she admitted it that she was not doing her job. It like if I am getting every and possible more from you why would I stray away. Sex isn't always good there is bad sex. let me ask you a question normally when you blog about an issue such as this it is because you or someone close to you is goi g thru this not out of curiosity. Is that's what's going on friend?

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    3. Currently no, I'm not in this type of situation but I've been in relationships in the past where I've been cheated on and I have friends who have experienced it. I've discussed the topic of cheating with friends especially with my male friends and associates and It's always interesting to hear different point of views about it especially from guys. Most of them will be straight up about it.

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    4. now that i am older more mature as a man i think that cheating on a spouse is the worst thing you can do to them other than invoke physical harm to them because when you do that you have no respect for the person and whats more important than respect and stuff like that lead to other things more serious things. if you can control yourself dont get in a relationship its that simple. To answer your question no cheating isnt inevitable the only thing in life that is inevitable is death and change.Here is a question for you friend why do you think men or women and why do you think the men in your life cheated on you was it something youve were doing?

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    5. If you can control yourself don't get in a relationship?? You mean don't get in a relationship if you know you're going to cheat? I think there are several reasons why men and women cheat. I think men cheat for a lot of the reasons I wrote about in my post: because it's a phase they have to go through, because some can't control the urge, because their women let them get away with it, because some are lacking something in their relationship. And I know you have women that cheat just as much as men but I think a lot of women cheat when they're not getting the attention they need from their man. I think it's more emotional than physical for women. Those past relationships where I dealt with cheating was a while back; I was younger and the guys I were dating were younger too. I think it had a lot to do with immaturity rather than with what I was or wasn't doing. And I was involved with guys I probably had no business being with in the first place. I could've been the perfect angel and they still would have cheated but it was a lesson learned. I learned from the situations and moved on.

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    6. i agree with you mostly but no disrespect to you or your opinion but i think the notion that someone is going through some kind of phrase in which they need to cheat is pretty idiotic and imbecilic. Serious if your boyfriend was caught by you an gave the notion that he was cheating because it is a phase is pretty sorry. If it were me i would say okay i am going thru a phase in which you need to get the &((( out my crib and delete my number from your phone and give me all the stuff i gave you back. Hear is the truth for men and women and this applies to all people. Normally when people are in relationship and cheat its because they want to cheat they cant control themselves and the real reason they are in a relationship is because there is someone that binds them to their spouse like a child or the spouse is giving them something that cant be easily replaced like money, clothes, and etc. most of the women i know at least the only that are i guess i could say are very physically attractive dont really sleep with a lot of men but are running game on a lot of men in other words got a lot of men taking car of them. now with a celebrity like dwade its kinda different. He has a certain image he need to keep in order for companies to endorse him. Him having a girlfriend or a wife or fiancee makes him seem more like a family man and more marketable in his line of world. dwade is a young guy who is on the road all the time women throw themselves at him by the dozens so it should not really be alerting for him to cheat.I am kind suprised they have been together as long as they have been given she is older and the reasons i stated above. To be honest with you i dont understand the notion of relationships and marriage now. Hell relationships to the people now consist of you hanging out with someone and sleeping with them and marriage huh. Marriage to me is when people have a big wedding which consist of them wondering how many gifts they will get and to see who wore what and them being together and unhappy at least that is what i see most of the time. You know most people go into marriage without either spouse establishing how things are going be taking care of and who is going take care of it. most of the people i know that are marriage are divorced in five years. i dont see myself getting married because people put you on a pedestal and when you dont live up to what they want they want to make you as unhappy as they are and i dont have time for that.

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  3. My mom always told me "if you're not married you're single." I almost believe that cheating is inevitable. Almost, I'm not fully convinced yet, LOL. But I'll be honest, I'm not sure that I would leave someone for cheating on me once. We all do things that we know we shouldn't do, whether it's in a relationship, in friendships, at work, at school, etc. And we all at some point have to ask forgiveness for something stupid that we've done. I know I'm going to catch a lot of feedback from this next statement, but....I don't think of cheating as that big of a deal. I think it's become so common place that I am numb to it. So when I hear a story of cheating I'm not shocked. Now that doesn't mean that I am going to allow cheating, I said I would forgive ONCE! Now the second time, it's a wrap! And you're right, cheating is so much more than sex. I was in a situation where I developed feelings for someone who was engaged to be married. We never spent any real time together. We texted all day everyday and talked on the phone at least once a day. But this went on for a year. When he had a problem or was feeling down I was the first person he turned to. Even though we were never intimate, these are still things he should have been doing with his fiance.

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    1. In the past I've said if I found out my man was cheating, I would end the relationship. I think differently now, honestly I can't say what I would do unless I was in that situation. It's not so easy to walk away from a relationship when you've invested so much of your life into that person. I understand people make mistakes but sometimes people will continue to make mistakes if you allow them to. I don't know if I will say cheating is no big deal? What about the people that cheat and bring a baby in a situation (D. Wade) or the people that bring STD's into a situation because they stepped out. Does cheating become a deal breaker than?

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    2. if cheating wont make you just end the relationship would anything make you just end it instantly.

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  4. Have you or would you cheat on your spouse?

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  5. I guess it depends on what your definition of cheating is. In the past I've spent time with other guys (gone out with them, talked on the phone etc..) while I was in a relationship because the person I was with at the time was neglecting me. If you consider that cheating than yea I guess so. I didn't have feelings for the guys, they were just giving me what my guy at the time wasn't giving me, which was time and attention. For the most part I've always been loyal and faithful to the person I was in a relationship with. I'm not married and never have been but I take marriage seriously and when I get married I don't plan on cheating on my husband. But at the same time it's difficult to say what you will or will not do until you get in a situation.

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  6. Cheating is gonna happen when you don't live up to someone's expectations if you are in a relationship. I have had women that were a bit crazy but the sex was top notch. I don't like a woman that is boring in bed and unengaged. I think people in serious relationships if they are not satisified they will conversate with other and get what they want from others. I mean where human and we lust fir things but sometimes yoy have to say to yourself is this worth ot in the end.

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  7. Sorry for the lateness. Interesting article... even more interesting are the comments. lol. Actually lady, I was much like you in my early twenties about my views on fidelity and relationships. I wouldn't say I've changed, but my views have definitely evolved.

    I still expect to have a "traditional" family life when I eventually get to that point, because it is something I desire and want the best for my future children.

    One thing I've learned as a man is that we will always desire another woman. Doesn't mean we will act on it (unless it's Janelle Monae' :) ) but it is in our nature.

    Every man is different but for me, I usually transfer that sexual energy into my work. I keep my mind engaged in multiple projects so rarely I have the time to wander off or consider cheating, because I'm so into my work. Remember the old saying, "idle mind is the devil's workshop". I find that to be so true.

    I've worked with a lot of people, esp women, and I think majority of infidelity simply comes from boredom. Crazy, huh? But look at social media. Every late night, I see women posting selfies or tweeting how bored they are, which basically saying, "give me attention". So after awhile, they get some attention. Late night convo turns into sexting, sexting turns into action... simple as that. Of course, this doesn't apply to every situation, but it happens a lot.

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  8. http://realnewspaper.wordpress.com/2014/03/13/why-men-cheat-on-loyal-women/ REAL THIS I AGREE WITH THE MALE EGO PART

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    1. I actually read this post yesterday and I really liked his perspective!!

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    2. is there anything you disagree with or do you agree with it mostly because everyone is different and your question of do all men cheat is a vague question.

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